Things to consider in choosing a good couples therapist:

  1. Make sure the therapist is licensed in the state she/he is practicing in. This at the very least ensures that the therapist is educated, has clinical experience, and is receiving on-going continued education. You can ask or you can check their licensure status by going on line or calling the state licensing board.

  2. Does the therapist have specialized training in couples/family therapy beyond what they learned in graduate school or postgraduate school?

  3. What model of therapy do they practice and can they describe it to you in a way that is clear and understandable?

  4. Will she/he meet with you and your partner for an hour session to see if you are a good fit (expect to pay for their time)?

  5. Therapists are in the business of helping people, you are paying for their education, training, experience, and their time. However, be prepared to work. In other words, show up on time, try not to cancel appoinments, and use the time wisely. When you commit to couple's work you are committing to short-term therapy give yourself and your partner the space in your schedules to do the work.

6. Consider paying out of pocket for a well-trained therapist if your insurance company does not have on eon it's panel. Check to see if your insurance company will reimburse you for out-of-network provider." Another option is to use your flex-spending (if your comapny offers this option). It is much less expensive to pay out of pocket for 12 good sessions than to hire an attorney.

7. If you go with a private practice therapist who does not accept insurance, does she/he offer flexible scheduling. For example, can you meet for two hours twice a month. Or have 90-minute sessions? Insurance companies do not typically reimburse for longer sessions but many therapists find the best work happens after the first 30 minutes.

8. If at the end of that first session you and your partner feel as though the therapist listened to and understood each of you, then chances are you've found a good match. It's very important when selecting a couple's therapist that you both feel heard and understood. In couple's therapy, the relationship is the client and you should both feel as though the therapist is on the side of the relationship not on any one individual's side. The biggest complaint I get from partners is that a previous therapist didn't work out because one of the partners either felt blamed or misunderstood. That being said, therapists are human, we make mistakes, clients also need to let their therapist know when they feel they aren't being heard or supported.

9. Outcome studies indicate that the alliance between therapist and client is the best indicator of success. In other words, it's all about the quality of the relationship.

 

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